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Dab Away the Pain

phalarope (mniotilta)

Summary:

Eizen develops a successful coping mechanism.

Notes:

  • For Yboiveth.

I cannot take credit for this idea Yboiveth came up with it but i have to do it
I’ve watched like 3 hours of an berseria lp and that’s it i do not have time right now to finish it but i sure as hell have time to write this fic

Work Text:

Eizen was standing on a boat doing whatever the fuck he wants to do because he’s eizen, and he flips his coin and the Reaper’s Curse takes effect and the coin falls straight into the ocean

“FUCK YOU” says the world, to eizen, but he’s eizen so he doesn’t really care. This is his life. But he’s kind of sad because he liked that coin

Magilou also watched the coin fall into the ocean because she was standing close enoguh to eizen to witness his misfortune and once it hit the surface of the water she dabbed dramatically.

“What the hell are you doing” said eizen in the same cadence and voice as legendary hero ron swanson. He did his harsh dad glare. It was Judgement time.

“Oh this?” said magilou like with this face >:3a, “it’s called dabbing”

“Dabbing?” eizen raised all of his eyebrows and then increased them in size by 30%, “is it some kind of magic”

“oh hell yeah binch” magculou said as she dabbed again, danker this time, “this is some dope ass ancient arte shit”

eizen shed a single tear. he missed his coin. watching magilou perform random acts of dabbing was making him miss his coin even more. but he was strong. he had fists. he had to endure. he licked his tear away as it rolled down his face.

“magilou” he said, “what are thae magical properties of dabbing? is this arte actually useful”

“yeah man,” she stopped dabgging and looked at him. “it is like a healing arte, but for your mind. when bad times are happening you can just dab and away goes your pain.”

“how much TP does it use.” there’s tp in this game right? again i’ve never played this game and will not be able to in the forseeable future which makes me sad emoji (dab)

“dabbing is free ™” magliou says. “try it”

“if this is a joke i am going to punch you all the FUCK up this timeline, in the shitty future where zaveid refuses to wear a shirt.”

“no, seriously, try it.”

eizen stood firmly, assuming the proper Foot Possision. then he angled an arm while putting the other one all the way the fuck out there. he moved in a specific fashion that is not worth describing. he Completed the Dab and got +10 points for unlocking that achievement. in addition, all of the coin-related asadness slowly melted away into the fabric of the universe. eizen became free, adn for the first time he felt unburdened by the reaper’s curse.

“thank you magilou” he said, looking at his hands and the new power tha the held within him. “i see the valeu of this ancient art.”

“yeah it fine u my homeboy”

“may i ask” he said “why are you dabbing currently. what is the sadness that you hold”

“dongle twink is the fucking president,” she siad. “i dab to forget that pain”

“that is indeed a reason to Perform the Dab Technique,” he nodded, ad dabbed along side her.

there’s a lot of bad repar stuff that happens to this man. he goes to see idk hidden figures because eizen is a huge fan of astrophysics. the movie begins and it’s actually the bee movie because the theater fucked up. he dabs. he logs onto facebook and accidentally deletes all his firneds. he dabs. facebook is garbage anyway. he takes the harry potter patronus test and it says his is a leg, just his own leg appears and kicks dementors. he dabs. clearly his patronus should ahve been a fist.

velvet asks him to take out the trash and he dabs

“What the fuck are yyou doing” says velvet in a deadpan voice. it looks like she doesn’t care but she does. she’s a dreamgirl.

“i’m dabbing” he says.

“whatever.” she says and drinks 50 cans of mosnter energy drink before crushing all the cans into her fist and creating the most kickass aluminum sculpture ever. the museum of modern art features it for a year.

this has nothing to do with the story but i just imagined elenor dying eizen’s hair pink (with eizen’s consent) and i think that’s cute give me pink haired soft boy strong man eizen.

anyway so eventually there’s a really sad cutscene, i haven’t fucking playe this game, so you people with your infinit egamer knowledge, pick your favortie sad moment and imagine it. ok

sad stuff is happening. you know shit is real because there’s subtitles and all this animation going on, this isn’t skit face time, this is sirious. rokurou starts crying. he grabs laphicets weird sailor cape thing, and wipes his tears onto it like some kind of animal. laphicet decks him in the fucking face. he’s a strong boy and i trust him with my life. drama is going on. maybe it involves arthorious man? idk how to spell his name correctly and i’m tired

anyway, as the scene ends on a sour note and the party is standing refelcting on their thoughts eizen solemly dabs. he then nods and dabs again.

zaveid shows up

“what was that all about”

“you make me sad. you are a sad sad man” he says before dabbing again

there was countless dabs through the journey with velvet and laphicet and all the other friends along the way. i dunno how the game ends but eizen keeps dabbing. he dabs fo ryears and years during his travels and he knew he was becoming a dragon man like trogdor the burninator, an internet meme from the early 2000s.

eizen stood on top of a mountain top. thunder crackled in sky. his time as a hot babe was over. he took a deep breath and took one final dab, the most beautiful dab of all time, a dab that would go down in history as the dab to end all dabs. as soon as the dab was completed, he transformed into a dragon. he would dab no more.

at the sight of the newly born dragon, zaveid sighed, and dabbed in his honor.

AU, IN THE FUTURE, WHEN ZESTIRIA IS HAPPENING. LAILAH MATERIALIZES AND GOES “SOREY YOU MUST DAB AWAY THE MALEVOELNCE” and sorey dabs every time.

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

the hurt guru

21st century lifestyle + self care

Why I Dab

Cannabis concentrates really get the worst rap of all! If you thought people would judge you for smoking a little joint, just imagine how they’ll feel when they see this.

photo by Jacob Doyle of Cannabis Reports

A “dab” is a dose of freebased concentrated cannabis extract.

This can come in the form of a smooth, yellowish oil, but is typically found with a more waxy consistency and lots of different texture variants. Concentrated product ranges in color from golden yellow to dark amber, or if you’re into the really trendy stuff, super pure crystalline concentrates.

To extract oils from the plant, many companies use harsh chemicals like butane, which can end up in your concentrate and inside your lungs (gross). It’s better to go with a solventless concentrate, either rosin pressed out of the plant by a hot iron press, or an old-school ice water hash extraction, if you can find it.

You “smoke” it by dabbing the concentrate onto a nearly-red-hot nail and inhaling the vapor quickly through some kind of water pipe. It’s definitely one of the fastest and most effective ways to get high doses of cannabinoids into your body.

Years ago I tried my first dab and was floored by the strong (and instantaneous) pain relieving effects. One second I had an achy knee, and after just one hit, literally all I could feel was THC reacting positively throughout my body. Extremely intense, but so life-changing for somebody accustomed to smoking bowl after bowl in order to relieve chronic pain.

Now that vaporizing is the big trend, it simply makes sense for most “heavy medicaters” to use oils instead of plant material – for both economic and health reasons.

From the very first time, I knew dabbing would become a part of my life, and I was right. Though it wasn’t an easy thing to get into. It took awhile for my boyfriend and I to amass all the equipment needed for a solid dab at home; nice bongs, nails and accessories will run you a pretty penny, or you can buy cheap ones and watch them break under the heat of your torch. The best quality (clean) concentrates can also be expensive and tough to find, even here in California.

One of my favorite new must-haves for summer is my portable Bolt vaporizer kit by Dabado.

Seriously, how did I ever manage without this thing? No more sketchily smoking bowls or joints while traveling! Anytime I’m gone for a couple of days, or even a whole day, and I know I won’t be able to smoke, this baby comes along. It comes with just a couple main components that fit easily into their own heavy-duty padded case.

The Bolt snaps together and heats up to the perfect temperature in seconds! The little tool you use to grab your dab doubles as a magnetic “carb cap” to help direct the sizzling vapor into your mouth instead of in the air.

Once you’ve had a dab, everything pulls apart and goes back safely into the case for next time. It’s absolutely amazing, and if you’re looking into the dab life but are wary about all of the scary equipment, I’d highly recommend buying one of these portable vapes.

Immediate benefits of dabbing over smoking (that I’ve noticed) are instant pain relief and far less irritated eyes and sinuses – meaning you’re less likely to get “ red eyes ” and horrible chronic cough that smoking flower can cause! Though you will definitely cough a bit until you get accustomed to the practice. Dabbing also creates a lot less of that signature skunky aroma , so you can be a tiny bit more discreet while still achieving a fantastic high.

*And there’s absolutely no need to dab full grams, or multiple-gram strings of dabs at a time, as is popular on Instagram. Usually a half gram will last us about a week! Don’t ever let anybody tell you that you “need” a gigantic dose to fit into this lifestyle. Just a little dab will do ya!*

I do still smoke every once in awhile; it grounds me, and I love the flavors of each flower. Plus I’ve been smoking for a very long time, and old habits die hard. Medicinally, however, I’m a big proponent of using concentrates to change your life.

Years ago I tried my first dab and was floored by the strong (and instantaneous) pain relieving effects. One second I had an achy knee, and after just one hit, literally all I could feel was THC reacting positively throughout my body. Extremely intense, but so life-changing for somebody accustomed to smoking bowl after bowl…