5 Secret Criminal Uses for Stuff They Sell in Gas Stations
You’ve undoubtedly at one time or another found yourself standing next to a convenience store point-of-sale bong display and smirked at the absurd “For Tobacco Use Only!” signs that generally accompany this blatant skirting of your community’s drug laws. You know what those glass pipes are really for, because you know the streets.
Except not really. Obvious marijuana-smoking devices are just the tip of the drug paraphernalia iceberg floating around the shady aisles of your local convenience store. You know what those are for, but you might be surprised to know the real reason that every sketchy bodega and market in America sells .
Have you ever wondered what kind of awful husband buys his wife one of those cheesy fake roses in a glass tube? They’re such lame gifts, but you see them everywhere. If stores keep stocking them, someone must be buying them, right? What kind of relationship transgression can be fixed with a $1 gas station purchase? Failure to DVR the right television show usually requires more apology effort than that.
If you’ve had suspicions similar to those just expressed, which I highly doubt you have until now, I’m glad to report that they are not unfounded. There is in fact only one occasion when buying your woman a rose in a glass tube is appropriate, and that, of course, is if you’re going to smoke crack together, which, in turn, means you’re probably dating Courtney Love.
Twitter.com/Courtney Full disclosure: This was in response to something Marion Gladstone wrote on the Cracked Twitter.
That’s the only reason anyone buys those otherwise useless trinkets.
It’s at this point that some especially observant types will point out that you can also smoke meth, heroin, and any number of other drugs with those rose pipes. Those people know way too much. Do not trust them around your medicine cabinet.
The manufacturer isn’t always subtle about the real reason the product exists, either. Check out this batch of glass roses, which are available online at wholesale savings!
Without the roses, those are nothing but standard-issue drug pipes. The added fanciness of the flower allows shady manufacturers to market them as novelty gifts and less scrupulous shop owners to sell them freely as such in areas where drug paraphernalia laws are particularly strict. It’s the exact same reason “bath salts” are called “bath salts” and labeled “not for human consumption” when what they really are is some kind of monster synthetic hybrid of cocaine and methamphetamine that is completely useless unless it’s being consumed by humans (who then consume other humans).
On the bright side, if some lunkhead fella does buy one of you lucky ladies one of these someday and genuinely doesn’t realize what they’re used for, rest easy knowing that he’s probably never smoked crack before. That’s as close to a keeper as you’re liable to get these days.You might be surprised to know the real reason every sketchy bodega and market in America sells these things.
Should I Be Smoking Out of a Cracked Glass Pipe?
Can you still smoke out of a cracked glass pipe? The short answer is YES, but there are some caveats and exceptions.
- Cracked glass pipes still work (sometimes).
- Repairing a glass pipe is not recommended.
- Nobody likes bloody lips from chipped glass.
- When the going gets tough, improvise!
- Get a free pipe by mail for a good backup plan.
When Your Glass Pipe Cracks
First off, if you are reading this post, I’m very sorry that you glass pipe is cracked.
Let me paint you a picture of what happens all too often:
You’re sitting on your couch looking at your beloved glass smoking pipe lying broken on your coffee table. It’s a thick glass pipe that survived falling off of tables, slipping out of your hand and at least one instance where it bounced off of concrete.
You have watched countless times as inconsiderate weed smoking companions smashed it on top of tables and counters while deep into some story that had no point. But, it survived it all, yet you are still sitting there thinking about smoking out of a cracked glass pipe anyways. After all, it has been your friend for so long.
W TF! You look around the empty room looking for the culprit and trying to break down the mystery of the cracked glass pipe. Stressed, you put your hand through your hair and think, a smoke session is what I need, but how?
Trying to Repair a Cracked Glass Pipe
So your glass pipe is cracked. Instantaneously you become a seasoned glass pipe repair-person and start hunting around to find some possible solutions.
If you feel a breeze when you are pulling air through, then you might think that getting the superglue out will solve the problem.
News Flash: Glue is toxic. Don’t even think about inhaling it.
Grrrr. It’s not working the way that you planned, but what can you do?
If it is a little crack and there is no water flowing through, then you might be okay to use it as is, but only temporarily until your new glass pipe comes in the mail.
Acceptable Cracked Glass Pipes
These two examples are mainly cosmetic, but if you feel any sharp edges, just throw it away.
Non-Acceptable Cracked Glass Pipe
It’s pretty obvious if the glass pipe is shattered that there is no chance of repairing the glass piece, but I tend to think any chip in the mouthpiece is a big no-no.
Who the heck wants to have a bloody lip from a broken pipe? Certainly not the person you might be passing your glass pipe to.
So do you try and make do with what you have, or evaluate another option?
Option A: Your ex took that beautiful glass water pipe when they left, so that’s out.
Option B: You ran out of your RAW rolling papers, so that’s out.
Option C: Dig out that old school metal bowl and remembering its metal, so that’s out too.
No good options. So the question is: would I be an idiot for smoking out of a cracked glass pipe ?
Answer: Not really. Desperate times call for desperate measures friend.
Perhaps there are some apples in the kitchen and you could go really old school. Who needs a glass smoking pipe when you have an apple? No, making a bowl out of an apple is actually a project and you have always found that it wastes your herb.
You could make a smoking pipe out of aluminum foil but you’re not sure if you even have foil, plus you have heard that it’s bad for your lungs to smoke weed out of aluminum foil.
It’s Make or Break (further) Time.
You look back down at your cracked glass bowl. Why would smoking out of cracked glass pipe be so awful anyways? Would you cut your lips? Would you inhale small shards of broken glass? Would your thick glass pipe break further if you handled it?
Oh yea, you remember that Me Time Box Products offers free pipes by mail, but it certainly doesn’t solve the problem right now.
BTW – we ordered from some of the other free pipe sellers if you are interested in reading about FreePipeFriday or Free Pipe Frenzy.
You pick up the cracked glass pipe and examine the mouthpiece. There is this one jagged sharp shard of glass staring right at you. You actually touch it with your index finger, and yep it’s confirmed, it’s sharp. But otherwise, it seems good to go for now.
Hopefully you were able to get a decent, safe pull.
Just Order a New Free Glass Pipe
Now it’s time. Take your broken glass pipe and toss it in the trash. If you are having a tough time saying goodbye to your friend, then close your eyes and remember the good times.
In the end, you manage to get through your smoke session and your routine stays uninterrupted. You even get excited about shopping for the next unique glass pipe you will be adding to your inventory. Maybe you will go back and take advantage of that free glass pipe offer.
My suggestion: Claim a glass pipe (or two) from the free pipe giveaway, while supplies last and stop risking your lungs, lips and fingers on cracked glass pipes!Should you do it? Is it safe? Even if you want to attempt to repair a broken glass smoking pipe, learn if it makes sense fix a cracked glass bowl or trash it. ]]>