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For some reason — and despite the fact that Miami would probably ban poor people from bars before stopping the wealthy from smoking in them — it’s hard to find rolling tobacco around here. And when you do find it, usually on Miami Beach, the prices are marked way up — six, seven, even eight bucks for a bag of something decent. And for the kind of do-it-yourself, hardy type of person who prefers to roll his or her own, that’s just too wacky for a bag of tobacky. So get sane. Head for the humbly named but ornately decorated Smoke Shop, where bags of the finest rolling tobacco available on the American market — that would be Bali Shag, of course — are only four dollars, as reasonable a price as you’ll find anywhere. So roll ’em fat and smoke ’em down! And when you’re ready to quit, remember: You’ll never waste more than four bucks throwing it all out.

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Kendall Adult Video opened in 1991. During the past 17 years, this shop has withstood hurricanes, protesters, and digital porn. “People don’t spend money here like they used to,” says the store’s co-owner, Robert. “By the time you put gas in your car and pay taxes, there isn’t much money left.” The Farm Stores market and Tony Roma’s restaurant next door have both gone out of business. So come on, Miami, we need to show our support! Why? First, Kendall Adult Video has the largest selection of VHS tapes we have ever seen. From classics including Caligula and Deep Throat to celeb vids such as A Night in Paris and the Tommy Lee/Pamela Anderson romp. There’s a section for each genre of porn: MILFs, she-males, 18-year-olds, homoerotic, black booty, anal-rama, monsters of cock, etc. And the place carries the entire Bangbus, Reality King, and 8th Street Latinas collections on DVD, which were all made in the Magic City. There are no “whack shacks,” so sleazy dudes rarely lurk around here. There is also an overabundance of sex toys: fake human heads to stick your dick into ($70), a faux rubbery ass with artificial hair around the plastic hole ($99.99), dildos, butt plugs, blow-up dolls, and an assortment of lubes. For less than $60, you can buy a whole stack of porno mags from the sale rack. Don’t forget to purchase a couple of those special ribbed glow-in-the-dark condoms. You might need them later.

For some reason — and despite the fact that Miami would probably ban poor people from bars before stopping the wealthy from smoking in them &mdash…