nerd bongs

Nerd bongs

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This Classy Bong Is a Design Nerd’s Dream

One weekend last summer, in the dank of the afternoon heat, I was seized with a sudden inscrutable urge to buy a bong. It was a harebrained scheme if ever there was one. As a boring yuppie on the other side of 30, I’d pretty much given up smoking pot recreationally (too sleepy!!), unless something was being passed around. While I’m confident I could still roll a blunt in the backseat of a Honda Civic from muscle memory, smoking weed in non-social situations had dropped out of the bottom of my daily interests, like “photography” and “Wong Kar-wai films” and “finishing books.”

But my girlfriend had gone out of town for the weekend, and with the apartment to myself, I found myself bored and wanting to get [inflects Dave Chappelle’s white-guy voice] high as hell, man. Ideally surrounded by a phalanx of snacks while listening to wavy electronic shit. My goal was essentially to assemble a personal time machine back to 2005 out of Papa John’s boxes. So, after placing a call to a delivery guy, I went to the head shop on my block in search of something to smoke out of. I was in the mood for something smooth yet economical. (And, er, not a vape.) What I wanted was a nice, icy bong.

In my head, it’d maybe even be something classy: something with clean lines that I could leave out on the coffee table or stuff flowers into. I don’t know. Maybe a white marble bong? (Do they make marble bongs?) Surely nice bongs exist now!

Of course, this fixation was. misguided. Every glass piece looked like a psychedelic dick pump manufactured by Mountain Dew. I wanted something austere. Minimal. Something that made it look like I had a modicum of good taste, even though the end goal was to lounge around in mesh basketball shorts.

I eventually settled on a small, white-and-gold little fella with an ice catcher. It was fine, but it wasn’t quite right, and now it sits tucked away in a cupboard. But ever since that afternoon, I’ve had my eye out for a high-minded contraption befitting a dude with a Roth IRA. I wanted a Chemex, essentially, but a Chemex capable of BONG RIPS.

Meet the Aura, the closest thing to a Chemex the stoner world has seen yet. ]]>