steven universe bong

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Amethyst Buys a Bong



Work Text:

“Amethyst, look! These bags have pictures of puppies on them! But they smell kinda weird.”

Steven held the tobacco package over his head, smiling.

“Ehhh, that stuff’s the worst.” Amethyst threw a knowing look at the hemp shop proprietor. “Jimbo keeps the good stuff in the back. Everyone knows that.”

The man smiled. “Nice to see you too, Ammy. What’re ya buyin’?”

Amethyst pointed at the bong shelf. “Need me a new one of those.”

“I just sold you the one with the racing stripes last month!”

With a half-hearted shrug, Amethyst said, “It broke.”

“It fell off a waterfall!” Steven yelled, almost knocking over a magazine display. Jimbo stared at him. Steven started apologizing profusely. Amethyst just laughed.

“Uh… who’s the kid?”

“Don’t worry about him.” Amethyst shapeshifted her arm, stretching it over the shop owner’s head. “Oh! This one, this one!” The bong looked like a giant, gold-plated tube of red lipstick.

The shop owner didn’t react to the long purple arm wiggling around his head. “It’s 200 bucks.”

“That’s so much!” exclaimed Steven.

“You tryin’ to screw me?” asked Amethyst with a grin. Her elongated arm finger-walked across the man’s shoulders.

“Don’t play with me, Ammy. I can’t afford it.”

“Fiiiiiiiiiiiiine.” Amethyst flicked the shop owner on the nose, then pulled the bong from the shelf. With her other hand, she pulled a sack of money out of her gem. “That’s probably enough.”

Jimbo sighed. “These are gold pirate coins.”

“Bye!” Amethyst giggled loudly.

“It was nice meeting you!” said Steven.

Out on the boardwalk, Amethyst greedily eyed her prize. It seemed to be glowing in the afternoon light.

“Ohhhh yes. This is gonna be great.”

“What does this thing do?” Steven asked innocently.

“It’s. it’s just for fun. But you can’t tell Pearl.”

Steven pretended to zip his lips.

“I knew I could count on you, buddy.” Amethyst fumbled for her cell phone, still holding the bong close to her chest. “Why don’t you head to the Big Donut? I’ll catch up later.

Steven smiled and skipped merrily away.

Amethyst listened to her phone ring impatiently. Finally, someone answered.

“Hey, Vidalia! Watchu got goin’ on toniiiiiight?”

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