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what the fuck is dabbing

Please stop ‘dabbing’

I’ve been watching everyone on my Instagram feed “dab” since Cam Newton made the dance popular in Fall 2015. I’ve been patient for 14 months and the time has finally come: stop fucking dabbing.

Its not cute when your five-year-old “dabs” before they get on their first school bus. Its not cute when you’re a sorority girl who “dabs” with her Big during Semi. And its definitely not cute when your whole family “dabs” around the Christmas tree in your 500,000 square-foot home.

I’m pretty sure if white people knew where the Dab originated, they wouldn’t be so apt to throw it in literally everything they post. Atlanta Hip-Hop. Migos. If you don’t let your kids listen to that “gangster rap,” don’t let them dab in your profile picture. Please.

Before dabbing was annoying, but at least it was contained to the Facebook pages and Instagrams of people trying to keep up with “the culture.” Now its fucking appearing everywhere. First, Hillary Clinton had to dab on the Ellen show just to remind us all how lame and inescapable the dab really is. And within 5 days of 2017, I had to watch ‘dabbing’ make its way to national headlines again when some douchey 17-year-old decided to dab in front of Paul Ryan. This has to be the final straw.

Hillary Clinton dabbing on Ellen

Wait, no. The final straw was being greeted with “Hey! You’re Una ‘Dab’-iero,” dabbing and all. I am an expert on how annoying dabbing is because the word is in my name.

Here’s my final plea: please, don’t dab. Don’t dab in person. Don’t dab online. But especially don’t dab if you’re an upper-middle class white person. It’s embarrassing.

Please just stop now, it's gone on for way too long and now it's just embarrassing us all